I Have A Confession!

Evidently, and unfortunately for me, I am...white trash. There, now I feel cleansed. You see, Bearek and I grew up in the same town and until he qualified his "white trash" comment to Trumpy Rubble by saying that the small town he grew up in automatically categorized him as white trash, our secret was just that - our secret.

We are all glorious, fleshy, rather sticky pieces of white trash who enjoy fried foods, PJ Pizzazz, Westcove Theatres, Skate Junction ... and each and every one of us fight crime....as luchadores!! My mexican wrestling name is El Rumblechunk and I lurk around the dark edges of your vision, smelling of buffalo wings and humming the tune to the A-Team just before I strike.

Only a few of us are left - Jesse tries to pretend he is one of us, but alas, he is not - he is but a sidekick that we call El Guapo Burrito.

That is the truth and thank the heavens Bearek has finally set us all free.

Beware the luchadores of Covina.

Until next time, Viva La Blanco Revelucion!

-Matt, aka, El Rumblechunk

Allow me to be un-PC for a moment.....

What the fuck was that shit about???

Donald Trump's shit-faced racist ass needs a fuckin reality check (no pun fuckers!).......I mean WTF?? Stevie Wonder called me from Ray Charles' gravesite and told me that Ray watched the show with Helen Keller and both of them could SEE that it was a fuckin joke!! WTF???? All the shit Trump has been talking about Rosie and Derek's comment was stupid?? WTF???? I mean if you ask me (and in reading this blog, by default, you're asking me!)....If you ask me, personally, I think that Donald trump has an issue with gay people and the fact that he was already clearly in a shitty mood just gave him the balls to fire Derek over something stupid as fuck! You don't agree?? I gives a fuck!

Also, since I'm breaking all the rules of being a PC ass kisser, let me also point out how quickly he dismissed Randall's ass! Told Surya to "interrupt" but Randall was told "enough enough" as if he's a fuckin child and as if what he was saying wasn't important.....guess we know who the token winner was huh? Frank has been sayin dumb fuckin shit since episode one but since he's not gay or black, plus he's a New Yorker, then it's okay, eh Trump? I'm actually kinda glad that Derek's tenure on that show is over because now I don't have to sit and agonize over watching Trump's "did I shit on myself" facial expression every Baby Jesus day........nor do I have to sit around waiting for which one of his genetically fucked up kids to play mascot for the day!

You wanna know why Donald Trump was really mad at Derek's comment?? Let me tell you a lil jokey joke..........what's the first thing trailer trash will buy if given a million dollars?? A mail order bride from Eastern Europe and a gold toliet.............little thing I like to call "gettin your card pulled"...............yeah yeah whatever fuckers............

Just tell Isaiah Washington to get the hell off my bunk......I get the bed near the window........

Off Into The Sunset...On A Flat Tire

And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the BLOWS and did it my way!

Yes, it was my way

-Frank Sinatra


Ok, with the sentiment out of the way, let me finally get this off of my chest - What the fuuuuuuuck was Bearek thinking? I mean, we all know that Barney Rubble has no sense of humor, otherwise he would've admitted that his hair was a slapstick idea long ago - but no! He no likey the funny ha-ha's!!!

To be fair, I know Bearek didn't care if he was fired but I know my boy would've loved to stay a bit longer just to stir the proverbial pot. Hell, I was hoping that he'd be the first canidate to make it to the final two, get hired on live tv, just to turn Trump down. *Allow me a moment to enjoy the bodily sensations that thought causes...mmm, ripples, ripples* Ok, where was I?

So for those who don't know or haven't heard, Bearek didn't try out for the Apprentice, didn't care that they were shooting in LA and was never really into the show. He was brought in at the last minute by a gaggle of producers and casting folks who were looking for someone like him - someone who provided them with drama. No one really believes this show is about a job interview anymore, do they? Its Survivor in suits - just compare this season to the current Fiji season, the similarities are sickening. So there was Bearek, two weeks before they began shooting, hauling his considerable ass around LA doing full-on casting sessions...THIS SHOW IS NOT AN INTERVIEW. And after all of that Trump fires him for making a lame joke?? That corn-crusted turd needs to get over himself - even Vince McMahon considers Trump low-brow.

I hope to jeebus that Trump tries to, as 'I Love New York's', New York, would say - "tries to bring up some ol' shit!" I want these two to go at it. I want to see Trump's hair all a'flutter. I want to see Bearek get mad and scrunch up his face - which, if you havent seen it, is hilarious...mostly because he kinda has that mild mongoloid look to him. So tune in on April 22nd for the big, bad live finale where all the canidates will be back and making the censors blush.

To my dearest Lady Funbags - I shall miss thee (since I already cancelled the season pass, love TiVo), and I shall miss Trudy & Isabel with all my heart. My love isn't free but it has been set free and though I'm a homo my new straight girl fantasy is Charla from the Amazing Race. Now and forever my little pocket poontang will be known as Peanut and for her my heart aches.

Until next time, if there is a next time - I don't care for Surya on the Apprentice, but he is GREAT on Heroes! I hope he escapes Sylar's clutches!

-Matt

No Suits, No Show, No Service

What is wrong with Bearek's wardrobe? More than any other comment I see floating around the net are the comments about how Bearek chooses to dress while a participant on The Apprentice. Why?

So he dresses like a model from the GAP: Husky & Plush, catalog...so what? Not only does this Brobdignagian behemoth have trouble fitting into many mainstream clothiers apparel - standing 6'5'' and dropping pounds in the weekly tens - but he also has very,very,very simple tastes. I would think the good folks around the world wide web would come to appreciate a guy who feels comfort, talent and hard work can all behave together within his own brand of wry synergy.

Thats why we, his loving and respectful friends, dig this guy so much - we are all a decent group of underachievers, we dress for comfort and aren't flashy, none of us have any love for the Hollywood types, and Bearek himself will be the first to reveal his disdain for the 'industry'. He's a down to earth, casual guy who is warm and funny. Ok, sure...he is kind of odd to look at. His Pee Wee Herman haircut and XL-sized Charlie Brown shirts don't mesh all that well, BUT, he is allowed to dress just the same for work - so why fake it? Why get tailored up in new suits just for tv? I love that he stands out as the normal, gay, large, lovable, casually dressed guy who walks kinda funny - everyone else could fit in during any other season of the show while Bearek is true to himself and the laidback lifestyle of Los Angeles. He's no snob, he's no fake, he's no top. The next time you start thinking, "Hey, Bearek isn't handsome enough the way he is," or "He should dress how I think he should dress," just look at the picture above and thank whatever holy entity you pray to that Bearek is just the way he is - a dork.

Until next time: in the new Mortal Kombat game, to unlock Trudy & Isabel as extra fighting characters press - up,up,down,down,left,right,X,X, then type in the phrase "Massive Fake Titties". Flawless Victory!

-Matt

Recaps and Mishaps

Bearek's arms and shoulders are exhausted. Does anyone realize how much effort it takes to manage the placement of an adult woman, even one as lithe as Aimee, within the undercarriage of a modern bus? Los Angeles is known for superb day spas and korean massage parlors...the latter's best example being up on Wilshire in Santa Monica, ask for Kiki. At the end of this season's run, and if Bearek continues his rampage unimpeded, he'll need a week of relaxation and rest just to return the sensations to his fingertips. These poor girls, given their physical make-up it seems only Angela is safe at this point.

The beauty of this episode was this - Bearek and Jenn screwed up, they should have made sure Skeletor was absolutely aware of the demographic of the Santa Ana Mall. I mean, I grew up here and always assumed the Santa Ana Mall was populated by Pho restaurants and Vietnamese people - even I would've been caught unaware. Would the knowledge have saved Aimee? Not a chance. She was doomed the moment she came between Bearek and his honey...still too obvious a joke there, I know. But in the very least informing her of the demographic would have made the board room a bit easier, the last nail in the coffin, the anchor to Aimee's fate. As it was Bearek and Jenn had to work...a little...in getting her ousted, almost to the point where you can see Bearek about to break a sweat. But all's well that ends well and the big D is one step closer to apprenticehood and I for one am loving the body count.

The horror of the episode was this - Tim and Nicole. Am I really to believe that Tim, who is reasonably attractive despite looking like Fred Savage with a meth addiction, is going to fall so easily for the thick-thighed wildebeest? The whole thing is so contrived, so forced, so sad, that the entire pool scene seemed like either a bad porno or a great soap opera...but I honestly can't decide which is worse. The REAL people of interest were the NBC employees that were there as a deterrent to further sexual escalations. Their mere presence kept the duo shy and their clothes on. God forbid the Apprentice was ever to air on pay cable - I imagine Nicole's cooter resembling a rusty bear-trap that has long since caught its prey, but the clever beast escaped by gnawing through its own flesh, leaving behind its bloody, furry foot. My love goes out to the cameramen, sound guys, clearance people and PA's who were always doing their strict duties on set. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Until next time, Lord Clarence Wetnoodle was there...Trudy? Isabel? Lady Funbags? Such bullshit. I need my fix.

-Matt

When You Have No One Else To Call -

With another win under their belt and their beds in the mansion once again secure, the loveable, huggable Kinetic pulled off another win last night with Bearek's wacky, A-Team inspired, sales tactics. While Howlin'Mad Aimee wandered the isles aimlessly, B.A. Bearekus finally displayed a bit of why the producers have dubbed him 'The Risktaker' by strapping on an ill-fitting bee keeper's outfit and, essentially, pimping out his lovely team.

During the additional webisode, (*click blog title above to view Kinetic's behind the scenes footage*), Bearek was able to succesfully offer up his flirty little hags to three handsome "johns" - a move that sold three cases of honey and possibly secured their win over ARROW. You gotta give it up - I mean, he even did the Pillsbury giggle on national television.

The bone I have to pick this week once again belongs to the Trump family, to daddy Trump, the big cheese (head), numero uno...you get the point, the Man himself.

What the flying fuck is he talking about?

How does obtaining your own honey for later sales make a CEO? I'd appreciate it if he offered, ' Hey, look, if you're willing to do this stupid shit, then you must really want to work for me and/or win, so get out there and bust your ass'. But no, he just seems to allow the producers to create the most random, non-business related tasks without any sensible input - for fuck's sake...the BEE'S did all the work there...the two teams ended up with CASES of the shit after four hours of work.

I'm waiting for the episode when this happens:

TRUMP: "Welcome to both teams, what a great victory last night. Blah Blah. Today you're going to get your hands dirty selling oranges at several off-ramps along the 405 freeway in Santa Monica. Its a three billion dollar a year business and I think its fabulous. Here with me is the top producer from last year, Manuel Dominguez Rafael Sanchez, ....he's a personal friend of mine and will be overseeing your sales today"

How many "personal friends" does this guy have? What do they have to do with truly learning what these applicants are made of? Does Melania fake her orgasms? When will Trump figure out that Frank drools? Will Tim get lucky in the tent tonight? Did I remember to send my mom a birthday card? Does anyone really believe the Sasquatch exists? Fuck...where was I?

Ah well, it turns out I have as much of a clue as Trump.

Until next time, I desperately miss Trudy. Isabel is just so...fake.

-Matt

Don't You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Bearek?

So with a huge two week drought between episodes we've all been left to wonder - what comes next? Some of us are pondering who Bearek's next victim will be...who will he cram, shove, stuff or throw under the bus this week? Will living outside reduce him to some violent cave-bear like William Hurt in 'Altered States'? Will we be privy to the 'Further Adventures of Isabel & Trudy: Mission Miami Beach'?

Personally, I'm holding out for the "Boardroom Bombshell" where Trump candidly admits that he is the love-child of Jean Harlow and Barney Rubble. Sadly, he looks like his father.

No, no, I'm sorry, I don't have the answers to these nagging questions, but I'd like to take this lull to commend those who fight the good fight on Bearek's behalf week after week. I'm talking about the dynamic duo; SuitSnob and CousinOliver, from the Survivor Sucks! boards, the chatty, catty posters of TVWithoutPity and the slew of infatuated fans around the country who are out showing the love!

Those of us here at Bearek Central appreciate the support - as well as the emails, photos, soiled underwear, clothing, children, oven mitts and words of encouragement you send our boy daily. Without your love and pre-packaged snack foods, he wouldn't be the man he is today! I salute you!!!!

Until next time, Yes...that makes Lady Funbags and Lord Clarence Wetnoodle a Pebbles & Bam-Bam of sorts, but they shall remain mentioned under their lordly titles during further blogs out of pure respect.

-Matt